Title: Touch Me Fall
Author: Elizabeth Wilde
Teaser: Rogue's thoughts after Logan leaves.
Rating: PG
Genre: angst, no pairing
Notes: This was my first X-Men fic. The song used is
"Touch Me Fall" by Indigo Girls. It's on their album
Swamp Ophelia.
Touch me
I'm so beautiful.
Rub your hands
Across my head
Just like this.
Come with me
Now it's not worth it
If you don't.
Are you hiding?
I am hiding.
Rogue pulled her knees in close to her chest and
rested her chin on them, eyes half closed in the
darkness of her room. For a moment, she let her mind
drift, found herself wishing to hear Logan thrashing
and moaning in the other room so she could have an
excuse to go inside. It would be worth getting
skewered again to have someone who understood her.
More than that, someone who had touched her.
She rocked gently back and forth on the bed,
remembering when her mother had held her and rocked
her the same way, fingers twining in her soft little
girl hair, whispering words of comfort or humming
soothing songs. Eventually that stopped, and no one
touched her. No one even touched her hair, her
glove-covered hands for fear of grazing the toxic
skin. When she was sick, she had to hold her own hair
and bathe her own face with cool water.
Tears of self-pity made slick trails on the sides of
Marie's face, but she ignored them. Instead she let
her mind drift back to the day on the train when Logan
had held her. Even though he knew what could happen
if his skin accidentally came into contact with hers,
he had sat with his arms around her, had touched her
hair and spoke softly to her. Later, after Magneto
tried to use her to mutate the world leaders, he
brought her back to life with a touch. She had woken
up with his lips and chin pressed to her forehead.
Rogue remembered the moment with a smile. Thanks to
Logan, she knew again what it was like to feel the
kind of closeness that most people took for granted.
He would have given his life to save hers that night,
and almost had.
Her fingers wound through the chain of his dog tags
and her eyes gazed beyond the room's deepening
shadows.
Touch me
I'm so beautiful.
Rub your hands
Across my head
Just like this.
Come with me
Now it's not worth it
If you don't.
Are you crying?
I am crying.
She had friends at the school; there was no question
about that. Bobby especially seemed to enjoy her
company, and she enjoyed his every bit as much. That
made it all harder somehow. Not only did she have to
keep her distance from people she didn't know but from
her friends as well. Rogue fell back onto the bed,
hugging her pillow to her chest and burying her face
in it.
Jean sometimes gently teased her about having a crush
on Logan. What Marie never bothered to explain was
that her connection to Logan went beyond a mere crush.
She shared his pain. Twice his mind had merged with
hers, twice she had touched his soul. Now Rogue awoke
nights bathed in sweat, fleeting images of foreign
places and unknown pain filling her young mind. She
knew things and remembered sensations she could never
have experienced herself. The only person who
understood all of that had left.
Thrusting the pillow behind her head once again, Rogue
wished Logan would return. He couldn't find anything
in Canada that was more important than what he'd left
behind at the school, that much she knew. She needed
to ask him about things she had felt through his mind.
First and foremost, she wondered why he left without
telling Dr. Grey how he felt. When he was still
unconscious in the infirmary, she'd found herself
gazing at Jean for minutes on end without knowing why,
memorizing the scent of her hair. It took Marie a
little time to realize that the protective, longing
feelings were Logan's love for the beautiful doctor,
not hers.
Mostly, though, Marie wanted Logan to come back for
herself. She needed someone who wasn't scared of her
in the slightest but who understood why they should
be. In the darkness, she felt small and alone and
young, too young to be worried about her place in the
world and why it was such a solitary one.
Taking a deep breath, she lay back to sleep, part of
her welcoming the nightmares which would almost surely
come with their assurance of Logan's presence within
her, ignoring once again the tears falling onto her
pillow.
THE END
Feedback is always appreciated. I'm at
wilde_moon@yahoo.com
Peace & Love,
Beth
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