TITLE : Maybe Someday
AUTHOR : CD
EMAIL : Hecubis21@yahoo.com
GENRE : This chapter is very very angsty
RATING : A few curses...that's PG-13 right?
DISCLAIMER: The X-Men aren't mine, they belong to
Marvel
ARCHIVING: If you have the prologue and chapter 1, you
can archive this. If not, you can archive it anyway
but make sure you let me know where it's at, and also
that you get the other chapters.
SUMMARY: Rogue struggles with deep emotional problems.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I changed the summary above because I
think the one at Kielle's site sounded better ;). By
the way, Rogue is 21 in this fanfiction, Logan has
been gone for 4 years.
FEEDBACK: It is greatly appreciated, good or bad, as
long as you're nice about it :)
THANKS: I'd like to thank anyone who has beta read my
work so far (Chris, Crystal, and Meg...thanks!)
~*CD*~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Logan growled and headed straight for Rogue's
room. He'd have to have a few choice words with her
for leaving him alone with Jean, Cyclops, and Storm.
Their little reunion had been extremely awkward, to
say the least, especially since Cyclops wouldn't stop
glaring at him. At least Jean and Storm had welcomed
him back. After the greetings, though, they just all
stood there silently until it was time for the three
teachers to go back to their classes.
No matter, soon all this would be straightened out
and he'd find out what the hell Rogue thought she was
doing. Without even bothering to knock, he barged in
her room. He saw her looking out of a window, keeping
her back turned to him.
"Why did you leave?" he asked her fiercely.
"Calm down, sugar," she said. "I just figured I'd
give you some time alone with your friends."
"Bullshit," he retorted. "You're up to something,
I can tell."
She turned and looked at him with flaming eyes.
"You can't tell shit, Logan. You haven't seen me for
four years. I've changed, I'm not a little girl
anymore. You don't know me at all."
Her words stung him. "That's not true," he said,
"and you know it."
"Why lie to yourself? Why should you even care?"
she asked testily.
"I care because....because I thought that what the
two of us had was something special," he said calmly.
Logan was by no means a mild man, but somehow Rogue
was always able to soften him. Logan moved his hand
to stroke her hair but drew away quickly when she
flinched at the contact.
After seeing his dejected face, Rogue's heart
broke. She knew that she had to push him away, but
she could at least try and be a little nicer while
doing it. "Our connection *was* special, Logan," she
assured him. "But that's all in the past. It doesn't
matter anymore."
"How can you say that?" he asked, bewildered.
"Of course it matters. It's *all* that matters."
"Not to me," Rogue uttered and turned back around.
It was killing her to look at him. "Not to me..." she
said again, this time almost inaudibly.
'Is this really worth it?' Rogue wondered. Dealing
with her feelings for him would be difficult, that was
a given. But at least she'd have the hope that
someday she could control her powers and be able to
become a true friend to him. All she had to do was
hang on to that hope. Professor Xavier would help
her, she didn't have to be alone. 'It will work...it
has to,' she thought.
"It'll never work, you know," Logan said gruffly.
Rogue turned and stared at him in shock. All the
hope she just felt was gone, just like that.
"Wh...what?" she managed to choke out. Had he
been reading her mind? Had she been thinking out
loud? Why did he say the one thing that could destroy
her?
Logan on the other hand was completely confused by
her reaction. "I said it will never work, trying to
push me away. I'm not going to let you do that."
Realizing what he meant, Rogue sighed in relief.
"Oh," she responded, too emotionally drained at the
moment to think of something better to say. She sat
on her bed, thinking that if she stood her legs
wouldn't support her and she'd collapse.
'Something isn't right,' Logan noted and sat
down next to her. He put his arm around her but she
didn't even seem to notice. "What's wrong, Marie?" he
asked warily. He rarely called her by her real name,
but he had to find a way to get through to her. "What
did you think I was talking about?"
"Nothing. Just forget it," Rogue replied. "It's
not important. What's important is that you know I'm
not intentionally driving you away. How can I when
there's nothing between us anymore in the first
place?"
"I don't believe you for a second. I can tell
that this is all an act. You were so open to me
earlier. Now you're acting totally withdrawn and
expecting me to accept it? Well, I'm sorry, but I
don't," he stated brusquely.
"Logan," she started with a sigh. Why was he
making this so damn hard? "When I saw you earlier, I
was stunned. I mean, I haven't seen you in four
years! Of course I'm happy to see you. However, that
doesn't mean we can just pick up where we left off. I
really wish we could, but life just doesn't work that
way. I still can't even believe you came back."
"I told you I'd be back, Rogue. I gave you the
dog tags as proof, remember?" he recalled for her.
"Yes, I remember," she told him. "And Logan, I
hope you're not angry with me...but I don't have them
anymore," she lied. Rogue had them in her drawer and
she looked at them every night before she went to
sleep, wondering if he'd ever return.
Logan felt like he was just punched in the gut.
He had hoped that those dog tags would be special to
her. "Why not?" he asked her. "Did you lose them?"
'Why does it matter so much to me anyway? Dammit, why
do I let this girl get to me,' he wondered, silently
scolding himself.
"No, I didn't lose them. I threw them away.
Logan, I gave up on you a long time ago. I'm sorry,"
Rogue apologized and went to put her gloved hand on
his shoulder for comfort.
Immediately Logan pulled away from her touch and
got up off the bed. He couldn't remember ever feeling
this much pain. How could she have given up on him?
'Because she knows you better than anyone. She knows
you're unreliable,' he said to himself. 'She knows
you don't deserve her.'
"Well, I guess that if that's how you feel, I
should go," Logan replied harshly and went to the
door.
"Logan, wait!" she begged, but he simply kept
going and slammed the door behind him. Rogue put her
head down on her pillow and quietly sobbed. Why did
she have to hurt him? Why did she have to hurt
herself? The whole point of doing this was so that
they wouldn't end up hurt. Well, she had failed
miserably, at least on her end. She never before felt
as shattered as she did now.
Rogue opened her drawer and gave one last look at
the dog tags. "I know what I have to do," she said
and opened the window. She used her powers to fly
outside and headed toward the only place she could go
to save herself. Rogue was heading towards the
cliffs.
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