VTitle:Yester Life: The Gossamer Thread Of Time
Subject: Wolverine/Rogue non-brotherly/sisterly love. Which means that I
might explore feelings of a sexual nature so...
Rating: NC-17 for disturbing imagery. Dealing with graphic scenes about an
Author: Kia Mira
Summary: A few taped confessions Rogue is listening to some tapes after
another strange dream.
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Disclaimer: If I owned them I wouldn't be posting here. LOL so just keep
that in mind.
A New AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am writing this to the end. That means that by the
time it ends. Wolverine/Logan knows what happened to him. Rogue and he start
a life together and they are happy. I know impossible! That's what you
think. Sit back and watch. I'll do it and give it all a ring of reality
after a few more parts. I am trying to take my life back. Once I get this
story out I might be able to do something other than sit in front of my
The Gossamer Thread Of Time
He was strapped to a gurney in a dark room. He could feel the pain that
they had inflicted on his body still, even though the incisions had healed
days ago. He had been in this place for what felt like eternity. His feet
and legs felt heavy. He could hardly move them. He should have realized this
would happen if he ever let someone know about himself, but he had only
thought of the duty he had to fulfill.
'He was a patriot, and how were they repaying him for his service?' This was
the monologue that repeated itself over and over again inside his head as
the montage played in his sleeping mind. He knew that this thought was not
his, but their on going diatribe. They wanted him to be loyal to them when
they finished with him. If there was anything left.
They would be there soon he knew. It had been a long time since they had
taken him to that horrible place where they cut him.
As if the thought had conjured them, the door opened. They were speaking in
that language again. The language he thought had to be that of the Hunn's.
Then they were in the room and speaking to him in their heavily accented
"Ah, you ar' awake. Gut, gut. We thought you might want to see yer wife."
He was oddly happy for a moment and then he went cold. Marie was there, but
how? Why! No! No, she had to be back at their little apartment of rooms.
They were lying.
"We are sorry to say she didn't take the news of yer demise well, and when
she heard her child died during testink she was ovar come wit grief and
regrettably jumped out from a window. A pity she didt not give us the chance
to tell her of the miraculous recovery of her dear huzbandt."
He had become frantic as they wheeled a gurney into the room and parked it
beside his. Her body was contorted unnaturally and her hospital gown was
soaked in blood. His eyes wandered from her tiny ankles up her slender legs,
then over the rest of her body until they came to her open eyes. They were
vacant and cloudy with death. And the lips he had gently kissed before
stepping aboard that train were ghastly white, a thin trickle of blood at
Then he noticed a tiny figure lay beside Marie. It looked as though it had
been tortured. Cuts were visible on the tiny body and there was an odd
bluish cast to its skin.
"Ah, I see you have foundt your son. Unfortunately he showed no signs of
your special mutation. So, he did not survive the testink."
It was as though his soul was being ripped from his being and the bestial
sounding, "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" that filled the small room could be
heard echoing through the room in which he awoke.
Logan rolled to a sitting position at the edge of the bed. His chest heaving
as he tried to catch his breath. This dream had been very intense, more so
than the ones he had the last time he slept under Xavier's roof.
He longed for a cigar, but couldn't bring himself to light it in her room.
He had to see her. Standing up from the bed he took the walkman and the next
tape in hand and left the room as quietly as he could. It was a short
elevator ride to the containment area.
He stood outside the room, staring at the sleeping figure lying in the
center of the really big, white room. Then he turned his back to the wall
and slid down to sit against it and listen to the rest of Rogue's messages.
"Mornin' Login. I hope you slept better than I did. But I won't hold my
breath. 'Cause I know you didn't. I had the best dream last night, but I
can't tell you what it was about. It seems like even the good ones leave me
feelin' lost and fragile like. Anyway, I talked to Professor X and he said
he would call Regressor today." A ringing could be heard in the background
and then the pounding of footsteps. "Bye, Logan. I have a physics test next
period. I should 'ave been studyin'' for that, but I felt the need to talk
to someone."Then a double click was heard as the machine was turned off and
"Sorry, it has been a while, but I wanted to have my first session with
Regressor before I taped any more. Well, it has actually been about four
weeks since I last talked to you. We couldn't find a past life and I was
about to give up on it, but then we found one. We will find out more
tomorrow. This is kind of strange, but the route my past family traveled was
the same as the one I took to get to Laughlin City. Regressor says it isn't
unusual for your past life to influence your present life. She says things
like deja vu` are really our past lives vibrating through our consciousness,
like sound through a telephone wire. She is puzzled by the lack of
subsequent lives leading to this one, but thinks we might find the answers
in our next session."
"I met you today! Well, at least my past self met your past self, but that
is to confusing so I'll just stick with, 'I met you today.'" He heard her
hesitation as if she were unsure of what she wanted to say next. Then she
was speaking slowly almost timidly. "It was just like in Laughlin when I saw
you that first time." She laughs lightly in her throat and continues. "Only
with your shirt on."
"I was walkin' along lookin' for the general store thinkin' I had just
landed in a town straight from the book of Revelation. " Another little
laugh and then a sigh. "Then I saw this man with his back to me and I
couldn't move or think. Then almost like he knew I was there he turned and
his eyes pierced me. My heart did this funny little jump and then started
poundin' so hard I thought it might explode." Her voice took on an husky
undertone as she continued. "Oh, Logan it was the same as the first time you
looked at me in that god forsaken bar in Canada. I had these really wicked
thoughts. I know you're thinking 'How wicked can a teen age girl's thoughts
get when her only experience with sex, a fumbling kiss, left her would be
suitor in a coma for three weeks." He heard an amused inhalation of breath
and then her oddly throaty response to her last statement. "Let's just say I
think my past life was breakin' the sound barrier. Oh, God, I can't believe
I actually told you that. Ew!" there was a faint fluttering then, "I think
the heat is on in here."
"Just a quick note to you, Logan. I heard Scott refer to you as 'Wolfie'. I
about died laughin'. I hope you don't mind, but it was just so cute. Just
so you know, I hope you bring that motorcycle back in one piece. I heard him
cursing to beat the band that evening when he and Jean were on the way out.
I thought he was goin' to need a sedative." A male voice was heard on the
"Who are you talking to?"
"Nobody. Just myself."
"Better finish that page and then get to session."
"Sure thing, Cyclops." Then, "Sorry Logan, gotta go."
"Oh, my god Logan. This is surreal. I just got out of my latest session. You
came to my house and asked my father for my hand. Here is some information I
gathered from the talk you had with my past self's father. He was upset
about you bein' thirteen years my senior. So I guess you would have been
born around 1882. We are up to the year 1913. It is winter time with lots of
snow. Just like-well- just like when we were drivin' before the accident. We
ended the session before I made my decision. Regressor says we will get to
that part tomorrow. She says I should be happy for the anticipation. I
guess, but if it were the me of now makin' the decision of then I'd have
said yes right there while my father raged on and on about age differences."
"What a weird turn of events. I can't sleep again tonight, but not because
of the dreams. It is because I am not havin' any dreams tonight. I have been
lyin' here tossin' and turnin' in a sort of semi-sleep waitin' for you to
come to my dreams, and you haven't come yet. My session is first thing in
the mornin' instead of after math class. I can't wait to find out what-" Her
words cut off and then the walkman gave a loud click as it came to the end
of the tape and stopped.
Logan fumbled with the machine as he changed the tapes and then pushed play.
"Whoa, sorry about that, my tape ran out. I'll have to watch it from now on.
Well, I am going to my session now. I got another tape from Jean first
thing after breakfast. I'll get back with you as soon as that session is
Logan waited for Rogue to speak. He knew the tape had been set to record
again, he could hear her agitated breathing and frowned. Then he heard
fumbling and the tape was turned off.
"I'm sorry about last week Logan. I know you're thinking, 'what do you mean,
last week?' I tried to tell you about the session, but it was way too
personal. I guess I am just a great big chicken." There was an empty space
of silence that seemed to last for minutes, but could only be seconds.
"Regressor took me ahead a week after your past self came and asked my past
self's father for my hand. I have to say I hope my answer was yes.
Especially with the thangs we were doin' when Regressor and I arrived." She
cleared her throat and then continued. "Regressor pulled out as soon as she
realized what I was remembering. Have you ever heard the old sayin', like a
fox afire? Well that is how fast I jumped out. She said we could go back
but I wasn't ready for that. I didn't want to have her with me in my head
when I saw this. She thinks it is just that I was embarrassed, but it wasn't
that as much as I wanted it to be just us knowin' these things. You, me, and
our past selves."
There was another lengthy pause as the tape continued on in the wake of her
silence. "I tried to put the things I saw out of my mind, but they were so
beautiful." There was a pause as she took a deep steadying breath. There was
a sniff and Logan was pretty sure she was crying. He felt a tightening in
his chest where his heart was supposed to be. "I saw the way, in my past
life, I enjoyed being touched by my husband." Logan's brow furrowed. She had
referred to her husband and herself. Obviously she wasn't comfortable
speaking of his past counterpart and herself in that way. Why would she be?
That wasn't the type of relationship they had shared up to this point. "And
I realized, I realized that I'll never know that kind of intimacy in this
life." He could hear the tears in her voice. "I haven't said anything to
Regressor or Jean, but I have been dreamin' about that day in the forest.
The memory that freaked me out. I have never felt the emotions that I felt
during that dream. It was so real. So intense. I decided last night after
having had the dream again that I have to know why I chose this mutation."
She sighed. "I really believe that we choose our powers. Regressor says that
it is only external factors that go into the rebirthing process that causes
the mutation to occur. I think it has to do with will. So I guess I'll talk
to her after this session. I feel an odd since of forebodin' as I prepare
for this next session. Bye Logan."
Logan shut the machine off. He knew that the next session had never
ended, that the gossamer thread was still strung between past and present.
Pushing himself to his feet he turned to the window and watched as Rogue,
now awake, rocked to and fro. He could feel the past in himself tonight. It
was a heavy cloak as he remembered the dream that had driven him down here.
He felt the shell that had formed around his heart crack as she embedded
herself a little more firmly into his heart.
Pressing his forehead and hands to the window he watched her, wishing he
could comfort her but knowing that it was impossible. Almost as though she
were drawn to him, he watched as Rogue stood up and walked to the glass and
placed a hand on the glass where his forehead was. Stunned, he lifted his
head. Xavier had said that the window was hidden, that it looked as though
it was just another part of the wall. He watched as she frowned and lifted
her other hand to the glass and then slid both of them until they were over
his own hands. Tears appeared in her eyes as she pressed her forehead to a
spot just below where his had rested. Without realizing it, he also moved.
Placing his head back on the glass, he watched as she closed her eyes. He
closed his too, and memories flashed through his mind.
file://A woman who sang to him. He felt love for...his mother.//
file://A screaming baby that was all red and slimy looking. 'Your
sister,'his mother said.//
file://Then he was older. A young man of about 19. He was watching his
sister walk down a church aisle. She was getting married.//
file://Older still, as he worked loading planks on the back of a truck. He
felt someone staring at him. He turned and he saw her. Her auburn hair was
piled on her head in a sensible bun. Her eyes, the windows of her soul.
Snaring him for all time.//
file://He walked up a walk that led to her house. They had seen each other
last week as she stood on the street. He had been taken from that moment.
Then they met again by chance at the church. They had spoken only a few
words, and he knew she was the one. He straightened his tie and raised his
hand to knock.//
// She opened the door, her eyes shining as soon as she saw him. He knew she
felt it, too. The joining of their souls that first day. 'I've come to ask
for your hand.', he stated boldly. She blushes and her eyes widening. 'Uh,
if that is to your liking.'//
file://He saw her walking down the aisle of the church. She was like an
file://Standing before him, bare on their wedding night. Excited, but
file://The train station. She was putting on a brave face. She wanted him to
remember her with a smile on her face. She doesn't know he listened to her
cry in the bath that morning. He gave her the locket and kissed her. Then
strode forth into his destiny.//
The memories went on and on and he was leaden with them. Memories of a life
time. A life too long. One-hundred and four years too long. He opened
startled eyes as they came crashing down on him. Then he closed them as
tears formed in them and blocked his view. His head still bent low to hers,
his hands still pressing to the barrier between them, the only thing keeping
him from sinking to the ground under the weight of the years.
That was how Dr. Jean Grey and Professor Xavier found them. Logan knew they
had arrived beside him, but he didn't want to break the connection he felt
with Rogue. It was only when he realized he ached in his lower back and arms
that he relented. He had no idea how long they stood like this, but if his
body hurt, then hers must also. Moving his hands on the glass till they
framed her face, he waited until she moved, bringing her face up and looked
up as though into his eyes. Then he slowly stepped away from the glass. She
did the same thing on her side though she hovered close by it, hugging her
arms tight around her. Then after flexing his shoulders and neck, he turned
to Xavier and Jean.
"Good Morning." The elder man said.
"Yeah." Logan said. "I want to help her. She is stuck between two lives.
She was able to escape this part of her past life, but we messed with her
reality when we stopped her from killing herself. She is in mental despair
in her past life unable to deal with the pain. She isn't leaving on her own
because she doesn't know how. I think she is afraid that if she leaves this
place she won't exist in either. In order to deal with the pain Rogue put
up walls to keep you out. It is these walls that are keeping you from
bringing her back. I think if we were to give Marie Woolf comfort and ease
her grief, Rogue would be strong enough to lower her mental walls."
"What sort of comfort?" Jean asked.
"She jumped from that window because those Nazi bastards told her I was
dead. They wanted our child because of my mutation. They had already started
the surgeries. They showed me her twisted body as I lay recuperating from
the last series. I think if she was given her husband she would feel a
measure of relief."
"You remember," Xavier said.
"Yes," Logan said.
"How?" was Jean's puzzled question.
"May I?" Charles asked.
"Yeah," Logan said, not really liking the thought of Xavier walking around
inside his mind, but unwilling to prevent him from knowing all that he
needed to know to save Rogue.
Charles closed his eyes and stepped into Logan's mind. After several minutes
he smiled and then turned to Jean. "Older than I indeed." he said. "Come
with me Logan. We have been working on a latex covering. It is actually
being designed so that Rogue can touch casually if she wants. It is a thin,
protective covering that is sprayed over the entire body. Once it dries it
adheres to the skin, but can be removed if need be."
"I don't want it."
"Excuse me?" Xavier asked as he stopped and wheeled his chair around.
"Logan, I know you think you can handle this, but...I'm afraid I have to
"Didn't your mother ever teach you to respect your elders?"
"I have a great deal of respect for you, Logan. I just question your ability
to make a decision like that right this moment."
With another look at the woman who was counting on him, he followed Charles
Xavier down the corridor.
One part left everyone. That is unless my wonderfully loyal beta reader
thinks it needs some more fleshing out.